10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
This is a First post from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY smart men to have very LOW degrees of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this specific paradox, talking it, and working on it for an wonderful amount of time, I'd love to discuss my thoughts about it with you.
I presume that if you've read this much, you then see likely yourself as smarter than the average man.
You know that you are a little different than other men.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw matters differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind provides you an advantage over others in several regions of life...
Your smart mind gives you a specific type of advantage which can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks get accustomed to being"right", because they usually ARE right.
And when you're RIGHT more often than other people, you can get ahead in many circumstances.
But regrettably, this wise mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you will need to tighten a bolt. If you apply the tool you've got for your job, you're probably make the situation WORSE.
Naturally, it is hard for a smart man to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart thoughts could HURT his odds for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and allow me to share with you the ten reasons why intelligent guys fail with girls... and what to do about it.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they will be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing it will not be long before they are straight again.
(OR they allow the"problem scenario" ruin them... more on this later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to dating and women is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick"I am right" around the next corner to allow you to feel better.
It merely takes"failing" with a few women in a row to get a wise guy to observe the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.
Option? Think harder.
A clever guy just assumes his logic has to be good... so he keeps thinking tougher.
But when no success stems, it really starts
to become emotionally difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a very difficult thing for a"smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is much harder.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
in summary, many smart men refuse to accept this a great, solid, viable response could come from someone"dumber" than them, so they dismiss any idea that comes from an"obviously less intelligent person" before attempting it.
Allow me to ask you a question:
In case you were going to be walking around Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this world with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of roughly 50... but that climbed up being chased by dinosaurs and all kinds of creatures that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped out of many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn the way to be successful with women and dating, do you take advice from a man who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being clever that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone that is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any wise GUY is able to see the folly in this specific approach... once it's examined closely.
If you have been making this error, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some"dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY need.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It's BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that simply don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who must play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.
In fact, I think that there are a whole lot of
smart men running around this planet who do not
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people love" in their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it might possibly take to become successful with women and dating.
Social skills are only the... SKILLS.
They're not social Info.
They are not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you do not get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the basis for good communication with other people... and in case you don't have great social skills, you dramatically reduce your odds for success with girls.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something which fascinates the hell out of me...
They think of the reasons why what WON'T WORK when it comes to dating and women.
They actually determine why what they would like to do is likely to fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to envision all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which finally stop them from having success with women and dating.
But in case you have thought something through and come up with a good reason why it might fail, it makes sense to not take action, right?
I mean, why would you need to do things which will fail?
It is sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND ladies, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to achieve success with women, they are working with poor figures. They are wrong before they start figuring!
With your mind to develop with the reasons why things won't work in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You have to learn how to overcome this habit if you've got it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What exactly does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he wants to figure out something?
He appears for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Info is the buddy of a wise guy.
Got a peculiar virus onto your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Do not understand how to change the alternator in your car? No prob. Just purchase the guide and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
What exactly do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE Info.
They think the answer lies in learning only ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or a more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the"get more information" strategy really made things WORSE?
How do you even know that it was making matters worse?
Now, I don't want to imply that learning more about how to succeed with women is a bad thing. It is not.
But in case you've got a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then studying five thousand theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some things!
You need to look at the REAL problem... that the ROOT of the problem.
In regards to dating and women, there's an excellent chance that you have MORE than sufficient"information".
Smart men often use"more info" to divert them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as"Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently in jak zagadać do dziewczyny the event that you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid confronting something in your life.
Great, thank you.
They become a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart guys attempt to engage girls in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not understanding they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing this!
When you start a logical conversation with a girl you've just met, you are essentially taking a NEON SIGN that says"I don't get it when it comes to women" and placing it on your head.
Typical"logical" conversations include things like talking about work, family, faculty, and tasks... talking politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you begin talking to some woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all girls say they want candy, nice guys... but they all date hot, egotistical bad boys" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you're with an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I am talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I believed.
If you are taking a test, you could sit there and work out the answers.
When you've got a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
If you are trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it is fixed.
Smart guys are used to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and flaunt their"good sides" in most scenarios.
Not so with girls...
If you don't know what to do in each step along the way, you are going to be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He doesn't make it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and innovative tests that they throw men to separate the"get its" from the"do not get its".
And if you don't get that, then you are likely to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
However, the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW you were being tested... OR you neglected.
Smart guys are not utilized to coping with complicated EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and particularly the"women and dating" type.
However, before you can find out to deal with the evaluations, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have basic social abilities, and how to keep your cool at the moment.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING"NICE" THINGS IS THE"SMART WAY"
OK, allow me to ask you a trick question:
When I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of these would you choose as a"smart" method of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite kind of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be"wowed".
Two ) Learn about her favourite travel destination so you could talk about it with her.
I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you wish to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to discuss her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to choose her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Move with me here...
Smart men think that they're being CLEVER if they do things like purchasing a girl her favorite flowers... and bringing them into the FIRST DATE.
Proper?
In their heads, they are thinking"I'm going to be the man who's thinking ahead... and now I will appear with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's likely to see them like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the sole teensy-weensy error that these"smart" guys make isn't realizing that it does not really take a wise person to think in this way!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
A smart guy, in his proud arrogance, will believe he's being such the charmer using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the girl he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart man who always desired to be"right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they simply could not close their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the past few years helping guys improve their success with women, I visit that this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They do not enjoy the idea of screwing up... especially if they're watching.
They wish to maintain this"smart guy" picture of themselves... so they attempt to always be"The Expert" at whatever they do. I'm a newcomer at this... how do I do it? What should I do ? What next?" ... and instead of being completely OK with screwing up, making errors, and making a fool of themselves in front of others so as to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking they're novices... http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/seduction so that they wind up ultimately FAILING.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're bad at, they just repress or RUN from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than acknowledge they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, request help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I understand what it's like.
But the truth is that any man can learn to handle as well as MASTER his feelings (even panic )... when he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to take action.
If that is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Do not worry about what anybody else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you doing the things which YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to fight with each these problems for a whole lot of years of my life.
Today, I'm not saying that I am the smartest guy in the world...
But I do not think mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me even though I was so good at figuring out things, I could not figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you understand what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all sorts of mad"logical" stuff... I finally got the"bright" idea to start studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Obviously I found out that you might be equally NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at precisely the same time.
I also heard that you can be wise and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the"naturals" did with women... and studying how they"thought" about the subject, I began to understand that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to take... since my logical mind just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing that I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in reaction.
Made no sense in any respect.
I watched men tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... then watched those women become"little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and so not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was studying until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any girl's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of girl I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of that"empty" feeling that I carried around my entire life because I didn't find out how to attract girls.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives collectively.
The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is my free Secret Society Letters.
And I'd love to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I will never share your email address with anybody, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I will never pull any of these tricks where I send you a lot of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
And I'll talk to you again soon.